


Noctoseismology: The Study Of Things That Go Bump In The Night

by HorizonTheTransient



Series: Noctoseismology [1]
Category: Genius: The Transgression, Parahumans Series - Wildbow
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crossover, F/F, Fluff and Humor, Mad Science
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:22:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29438943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HorizonTheTransient/pseuds/HorizonTheTransient
Summary: Dr. Rose Victoria Corcoran finds herself stranded in another universe after a lab accident. The good news is, it's a universe well known to her peers. The bad news is, it's an unfriendly one with a closed borders treaty, and she doesn't know how to get back home.On the plus side, her new roommate is nice.(A spiritual successor to No Bed of Rose's. I have aDiscord server!)
Series: Noctoseismology [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2163393
Comments: 17
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter 1

My name is Doctor Rose Victoria Corcoran, I'm a Research Fellow at the Perfected Vision Institute, and yesterday, I got isekai'd into a world where superheroes are real.

"Oh my god, you too?" I heard someone say behind me while I was buying groceries.

And considering I'd gotten isekai'd in the middle of a gunfight, that was an absolutely  _ terrifying _ thing to hear in the produce aisle. So I did what I did best: ignore the problem and hope it goes away.

"Excuse me, ma'am," that someone said, coming closer and ignoring my desire that they go away. "Do you have a moment to talk?"

"About what?" I said instead of 'no, go away.' I don't know why. I definitely  _ wanted _ to say the latter.

"About, um..." I finally turned around, and laid eyes upon a college-aged Asian woman. She was alarmingly pretty, and fairly tall, in a cute but mostly unremarkable sweater and long skirt. She was also holding, in her hand, a very obvious piece of super-science with knobs, dials, and buttons laid out as if by a propmaker who didn't have much to go on. "You know.  _ Special abilities." _

Crap. This girl was one of the local geniuses. Ever since the portal to Bet was first opened back in 1996- well, 1988 on their end- Inspiration started to...  _ leak. _ The treaty was meant to prevent cross-contamination, but it was unsuccessful, and everyone was more or less okay with that. A few people on Aleph triggered as parahumans. And a few people on Bet catalyzed as geniuses.

"...Okay, if I agree to talk shop over coffee, will you put that thing back in your pocket before it explodes?" I said quietly. What she was holding was very likely a scanner tuned to detect other geniuses- why she brought it to the goddamn grocery store was beyond me, unless she was good enough track me from  _ outside _ the grocery store. She probably wasn't, though; she seemed new, and Bet's genius population underperformed like hell without the shared knowledge and institutions we had on Aleph.

"Explodes?" she asked, frowning and tilting her head.

"I've been doing this for a year," I said. "Our tech goes haywire when normal people so much as touch it. Put it away.  _ Please." _

"Huh. Learn something new everyday." She put her scanner away in her purse. "I'm Akane Sakurai. You?"

"Rose Corcoran," I said. "Listen, this is... probably pretty sketchy, so feel free to say no, but we should  _ probably _ talk somewhere private, or maybe over email-"

"Your place or mine?" Akane asked.

I blinked. "Good  _ lord _ you are too trusting."

"No I'm not," Akane said, frowning and tilting her head again. "If you wanted to hurt me, the scanner would've picked up on that. You're a perfectly harmless nerd who's just kinda cranky because you got isekai'd yesterday."

"Haha hey let's not talk about that in public please," I said with forced cheer. "Let's actually not talk shop at all until we get back to my place, yeah?"

"Sounds good to me!" she said cheerily.

* * *

"Motel. Smart," Akane said, seating herself on the bed. "So! We're both the same weird Tinker, yeah?"

"Kind of but not really," I said, setting my groceries(a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, a roll of paper towels, and a box of plastic knives) on the tiny table, and trying not to bristle at the way she casually made herself comfortable in my space. She might trust me, but I didn't really trust  _ her, _ because I didn't have the ability to read minds. But, I had to keep her from telling the authorities that someone crossed the border from Aleph, so... "Do you... not know what a genius is?"

"Colloquially, someone smart," Akane said. "Contextually, it's a technical term, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. Also known as The Inspired, geniuses are a kind of supernaturally-enhanced human native to Earth Aleph," I said.

"Which is where you're from," Akane said. "How'd you get here?"

"It's... a long story, and the important detail is that I can't get back on my own," I said. "And nobody's going to come looking for me. But, anyway. Did you think you were a cape?"

"Yeah, actually," Akane said. "See, it all started a few months ago, when I ran into an old friend from high school. We were on the basketball team together, and I was there when she had her trigger event and became a superhero, one night during a game. Well, we caught up on old times, and it just... randomly occurred to me to ask a specific question.

"We weren't  _ super _ close friends at the time, and we still aren't, but when I asked her what it was like in the moment, she didn't scream at me, and instead said she couldn't remember the exact moment, and probably never did. Just the moment she got fouled, and the moment she started flying and didn't hit the ground. The in between, her trigger... it was blank. Didn't remember a thing.

"So I looked around online for accounts of what capes felt when they had their trigger events, but I couldn't find anything. I was... I was  _ obsessed, _ now. I  _ had _ to know, I had to know what it was  _ like, _ so I kept researching and studying and asking around, for weeks, until finally, a week ago, I woke up face-down on my desk, a soldering iron left on all night, a few textbooks opened to random pages... and my scanner, sitting there, half-finished." Akane sighed. "A positive trigger, that's what they call it. You rise to meet a challenge, and go above and beyond so hard that you get powers. And that's... not what happened?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I don't know much about capes, but... You're not a parahuman Tinker. You're an Aleph-style genius. More's the pity- Bet knows how to handle Tinkers, and getting access to the latest papers and magazines from Aleph could be tricky. I've got some primers, but that's about it."

"Ooooh, primers?" Akane said, lighting up like a kid in a candy shop. "Gimme."

"Sure, sure," I said, nodding. "I'll email you the PDFs, and just hit the high notes real quick. Every genius has a Catalyst- a driving emotion, the thing that pushed them into mad science in the first place. There's five of them, and  _ your _ Catalyst is almost  _ definitely _ Staunen, or Curiosity in English."

"So what does that  _ mean?" _ Akane asked. "Is Curiosity the reason I can build scanners?"

"Yep, that's the next part," I said. "Each Catalyst has a favored field of mad science, called an Axiom. Modern taxonomy recognizes eight Axioms, and one of your specialties is clearly Apokalypsi, the Axiom of Discovery, which is what scanners get categorized under."

"Why are the Axioms named in Greek, while the Catalysts are named in German?" Akane asked.

"The terminologies were standardized at different times," I said. "It's one of those things that there's a million pointless sectarian pissing matches over. You wanna waste your life on it, go ahead. Something tells me you've got more important things to do, though."

"I'm kinda disappointed I'm not actually a cape," Akane said. "I'm so  _ curious _ about how they work! Where do their powers come from? Why do some people become capes and others don't? What does Scion have to do with it, is he just the  _ first _ cape or is he the  _ progenitor _ of capes? Or maybe he's not even the first cape, just the first one we  _ know about!" _ She was breathing heavily now, and took a moment to compose herself. "Y'know. Stuff like that. I wanna start at the beginning, though, and find out what a trigger event looks like in the moment that nobody remembers."

"Well, that's good to hear," I said. "Good luck with that."

"Aren't you going to help me?" Akane said, frowning and tilting her head.

"I've got more pressing concerns than science, such as finding somewhere permanent to live and maybe also a job so I don't starve," I said.

"I have an apartment and space for a roommate," Akane said hopefully.

I grimaced. On the one hand, that was a legitimate solution to my problem of being homeless without having to first go through a lot of rigmarole in forging documentation and general chicanery. On the  _ other _ hand, I had finally moved out on my own barely a few months ago, and had found the experience downright liberating; living with someone else again felt unappealing.

But, with no real genius society to speak of on Bet, all my friends- well, coworkers- gone, and the threat of isolation-driven madness hanging over me...

"...Tempting, but..."

Akane stood back up, lifting her arms up. "I'll  _ also _ throw in a hug. You look like you need it."

"I resent that remark," I said. "...I resent that you can tell, too."

"Honestly, you can have the hug either way," Akane said, arms still outraised. "You've already helped me a ton, and even if you don't want to help with the rest of my research... You still seem like a fun person to talk to."

"...Alright, fine, you win," I said, walking over and wrapping my arms tightly around her.

"Thank you  _ so _ much, Rose!" Akane said giddily, squeezing me back with surprising strength- she was still pretty athletic, I supposed. "...Is that a screwdriver in your pocket?"

"I'm just happy to see you."

Akane didn't seem to know how to respond to that one.

"So," I said, breaking the silence and still hugging her. "What's your next move? In your research project, that is."

"Finding a cape who remembers their trigger event more clearly, obviously," Akane said. "I'm not sure how, though. I don't know all that many capes. Just the one, really."

"You know, you're pretty good with scanners as it is," I said. "With a bit of work, you could definitely knock out a scanner that can read memories. Maybe even tease out memories that're mostly forgotten?"

"I could?" Akane asked, starting to vibrate in excitement.

"So here's what I'm thinking, if you're free the rest of the day: I'll pack my shit, we'll go back to your place, and we'll put together a quick memory reader," I said. "And then after that, we'll call up your cape friend, and see if we can't pick their brain a bit. How's that sound?"

"If I wasn't hugging you right this instant, I would  _ start," _ Akane said. "I can't believe it, I'm so  _ excited- _ you're really in?"

"I'm in," I said, nodding, before deciding to push my luck. "What else are friends for?"


	2. Chapter 2

"Akane! It's been too long! And who's your friend, here?"

Moving into Akane's apartment was pretty quick- as a Research Fellow of the Perfected Vision Institute, nearly all of my tech was implanted within my body, and as someone who got shot through the dimensional barrier with only the clothes on my back yesterday, I packed  _ incredibly _ light.

"I'm Rose, the new roommate," I said. "Just finished moving in today."

Everything I said was entirely true, but... I  _ was _ still misleading Akane's friend.

"Sorry I haven't called in a while- went down a rabbit hole,  _ then _ I was getting a new roommate..." Akane laughed nervously, still hugging her friend. "Right! Rose, this is Vicky Dallon, also known as Glory Girl. She's a local celebrity."

"Oh, she from out of town?" Vicky asked. She was white, blonde, and college-aged- roughly the same age as Akane, probably, since they were on the same basketball team in high school. She was rather pretty too, and even taller than Akane, joining me in the echelons of six foot tall women. 

"All the way from Texas," I said, nodding. "It's a long story that's not actually all that interesting; I'll spare you the details."

"She's helped me with my latest research project," Akane added. We'd worked out our story ahead of time: Akane was a Genius, I was a perfectly normal person who was her technically inclined and academically experienced roommate, and we'd met at the grocery store. "And now, it's your turn."

Akane let go of Vicky, and stepped back, letting the girl take in the sight of the electro-mechanical nightmare we'd built together on the coffee table.

"...Are you okay?" Vicky asked, turning back to look at Akane. "Do you need someone to talk to?"

"I'm good, but thank you for asking," Akane said. "I'm a genius, now! You know, like the ones from Aleph? We don't get many on Bet, but there's a few, and I'm one of them!"

Vicky chewed on her lip, frowning as she inspected the memory scanner from a distance.

"And..." Vicky began.

"That's a non-invasive memory scanner," Akane explained. "Since you don't remember the exact moment of your trigger event, I was hoping we could use the scanner to dig something up. You in?  _ Please?" _

Vicky considered it carefully for a second, before turning to look at me. "Is she... okay?"

"I mean, we met at the grocery store, so she's been eating and getting fresh air," I said with a shrug. "Beyond that... I don't know if it's  _ normal _ for her to have the personality of a golden retriever given human form, but that's about what I've gathered."

"No, that's..." Vicky sighed. "Okay, she's...  _ probably _ fine. That just means she likes you."

"Come  _ onnnn," _ Akane whined. "It's for  _ science, _ Vicky! I'll let you put your name on the research paper, too!"

"...Fuck me running, that shouldn't be as tempting as it is," Vicky whispered to herself. "Okay,  _ fine. _ I'll stick my head in your weird insane machine."

"Yesss. Okay, come here, sit down on the couch, and then just lean forward until your forehead touches the padding and you feel two cold points on your temples," Akane said, guiding Vicky into place. Apparently, Vicky was one of those capes who could levitate, because she didn't bother walking, just floating through the air into position.

"And then what?" Vicky asked, once her head was in the machine.

"And then..." Akane sat down beside her, pressing a button to turn on the (rather small) screen. "Relax, and think about basketball."

"I miss playing basketball," Vicky said. "It was fun, but now I'm a cape, so everyone's worried I'll cheat, and-"

"That was a euphemism, she meant think about your trigger event so it's easier to pull out the memory," I said.

"I figured," Vicky said sourly.

"...Sorry," I said.

"Sorry, I snapped at you, it's just..." Vicky sighed. "Look, all that stuff about positive trigger events? Lies. They're all negative. They're all  _ traumatic. _ They are, near-universally, the worst thing to ever happen to you."

"...Oh."

"And I'm a weirdo, in that I don't hate talking about it with other people, but... It's still a painful memory."

I wasn't really sure what to say to that. "...It'll be over soon enough. You need a drink or anything?"

"Maybe once she's done."

"Oh, I am," Akane said.

We both sat upright and turned to look at her.

"That moment is just  _ gone _ from your memory," Akane said. "Maybe it didn't happen, or it was erased pretty thoroughly, or your memory simply got turned off for the moment. Who knows?"

"I'm leaning towards 'it never happened,' myself," Vicky said. "But I'd be curious to be proven wrong."

"Well, there's more than one cape in the world," I said. "Maybe we just need more test subjects? So, who's next in the machine? Hopefully sometime  _ today; _ had to make some sacrifices to get that thing built in an hour, and it'll fall apart after a day or so."

"My family's all capes too, and it's Saturday," Vicky said. "I bet I can get some volunteers."

* * *

"So nobody in New Wave remembers their trigger moment," Vicky said, frowning.

"New Wave is a lot bigger than just your family," I said.

"She means the hero team, not the music genre," Crystal said. She was Vicky's cousin, but she wasn't as tall, or athletic and broad-shouldered, and instead was more conventionally feminine; definitely  _ not _ on the basketball team. She patted me on the shoulder.  _ "I _ appreciated your joke, though."

"She wasn't," Vicky said. "She's from Texas, and never heard of us."

"It's called 'benefit of the doubt,'" Crystal said firmly.

"So, feel free to ignore me if you already considered this," Eric said. He was Crystal's sixteen year old brother, who was built like someone had put Duke Nukem in the rack and stretched him out a foot or two. And then dyed his hair blue. "But last semester, I interviewed Miss Militia for a class assignment-"

"You  _ what?" _ Amy asked. She was Vicky's sister, and unlike the rest of New Wave, her hair was naturally brown and curly as hell. Like mine, except  _ more. _ She was also short, barely clearing five feet, and was scattershot with freckles, like Jackson Pollock had applied her makeup with a shotgun. "Jesus, Arcadia really stepped up their standards."

"Nah, it was my idea," Eric said. "We just had to interview someone in the field we wanted to work in, and the teacher told me pretty specifically that no, I couldn't just interview my parents.  _ So, _ I interviewed Miss Militia instead because he didn't say I couldn't. Anyway, back to my point, I  _ think _ she remembers  _ her _ trigger moment, said she saw something kind of like an angel." He tapped his chin. "I didn't write that down, though. Maybe I should've. I got an A either way, though, so who cares."

"I don't suppose that, between the four of you, there's enough clout to get a moment's notice in-person meeting with her for research purposes?" I asked.

"Pleeeease?" Akane pleaded, eyes wide.

"...Maybe," Vicky said. "I have a few... acquaintances... in the Protectorate, so... Uh, give me a moment and I'll make a call, see what I can do."

"You mind if we tag along?" Eric asked.

"I don't, but..." Vicky trailed off.

"Eh," I said with a shrug. "I'm new in town. Could always stand to make a few more friends."

"The more the merrier!" Akane said.

* * *

The Protectorate HQ was a grandiose eyesore standing out of the waters of the Brockton Bay, but thankfully, I didn't have to look at it from the outside for long.

"Raising," I said, pushing six poker chips into the pot.

I had absolutely no idea  _ why _ Crystal had poker chips on her person, but right now I was grateful- I hadn't had a good game of poker in years, and apparently we would be waiting a while before Miss Militia had time to see us.

"All in," Vicky said, pushing in fourteen. We were the only two left in the round, and it was almost time for the last flop.

I chewed on this, considering my hand, the flop cards, and her face- a pretty face, but also a _ poker  _ face, and a good one at that. Still, the tightness of her jaw, her ears pulling back ever so slightly... She was  _ worried, _ and she  _ should _ be.

"...Calling," I said, pushing in another eight. If I lost, I'd still be in the game.

"Alright, I'm here," Miss Militia said, walking into the waiting room. "Apologies for... making... you... wait."

"Please give us a moment to finish the round," I asked, before turning to face Eric, who was already dealing the last flop card.

"Full house," Vicky said, laying her hole cards on the table. A pair of threes, and three fives.

"Straight flush," I said, laying down my own- the two and four of clubs, which combined with the three of clubs, five of clubs, and the final flop card, the six of clubs. "I win."

"I want a rematch," Vicky grumbled as I took the chips.

"Sorry about that," Akane said, standing up. "We're doing a research project into Parahuman Studies, and I was hoping to pick your brain about what you saw when you got your powers."

"Ah, I see, of course, of course," Miss Militia said, nodding. "This way, please- there's a conference room we can use for it."

Crystal, Vicky, and I all lingered for a moment to clean up the chips and cards, and put them all back in their boxes, but we followed after pretty quickly.

"...and think about your trigger event," Akane said as we walked in, Miss Militia's head already in the machine. She grabbed a few cables from near the wall, plugging them into the machine, and finally, pulling down the projector screen at the end of the room.

Okay, maybe not  _ that _ quickly.

I sat down at the table, near the end where Miss Militia was situated. Everyone else had congregated at the far end, for a better view where they didn't have to crane their necks.

"Ha! Yes! Found it!" Akane crowed. "We get signal! Main screen turn on!"

"All your base are belong to us," Miss Militia parroted.

"...The hell?" Eric said.

"Before your time, kid," I said, waiting for the projector to turn on and show us the memory.

What I saw was... vast.  _ Astronomical. _ Bigger than planets. And...  _ alive. _ Shedding parts like a molting duck, and seeming to exist in multiple places at once, weaving in and out of itself and reality. Flakes of it drifted like dandelion seeds, falling to earth, and one of them in particular slowly edged towards the viewer, growing larger and larger, until it finally landed inside a young Miss Militia, and the memory ended.

"Well, that was weird," I said.

"It was  _ beautiful," _ Akane whispered.

"What about you, Vicky, what'd you make of it?" A pause. "Vicky?"

I turned around, and beheld the New Wave kids staring off into space, checking their phones, or shuffling a deck of cards.

"Make of what?" she asked, frowning and looking up from her phone. "That screen was blank the whole time. I thought the machine failed and we were about to leave to consider our next move."

"Ditto," Eric said, picking his nose. "Didn't see a  _ thing." _

I opened my mouth, and then closed it again, before looking at Akane, who had the gleam of mystery beckoning in her eyes.

"I... think we might have a bigger mystery on our hands," I said. Something was  _ making _ them forget that they saw this.

And Akane wouldn't stop until she figured out  _ what. _


	3. Chapter 3

"Nothing," Vicky said, tied to a chair and wearing a hastily-made "VR headset"(really just her phone inside a cardboard frame that was, similarly, tied to her face).

"She really isn't seeing anything," Akane said, furiously jotting down notes. "And yet, I  _ know _ it's playing, I know it's  _ there." _

"So we've pretty handily confirmed there's a mental block," I said. "I think maybe it's time to call it a night, write up our observations, and sleep on it."

"Can you untie me  _ before _ you go to bed?" Vicky said. 

"But we're not done yet!" Akane protested. "We still don't know  _ why!" _

"And we probably won't find out tonight," I said. "But  _ tomorrow, _ after a good night's sleep and a long think about everything we learned today, we can start looking again."

"But-"

"Akane," I said firmly. "What did we set out to learn today?"

"To learn where capes come from and why," Akane said.

"No, we set out to learn something very specific: what do capes see when they get their powers? And we learned that, and more," I said. "Today was an unmitigated success, and we learned a lot. You won. Now, let's get some food in you, and get you to bed."

"Hey, so, the rope?" Vicky said.

"This isn't about you," I said. "So, Akane. Dinner, writeup, bed?"

"I..." She sighed. "...Okay."

"Great, fantastic, now, about me?" Vicky said.

"Yes, yes, we'll feed you too, you're a friend and have been very helpful," I said, already making my way to the kitchen.

"I mean, that's great, but maybe untie me first?" Vicky said.

"Nothing I do is ever good enough for you, is it?"

* * *

"So why was I tied up in the first place?" Vicky asked after dinner, while Akane was typing away at her laptop.

"To keep you from getting distracted and taking off the headset early," I said, writing up some notes of my own with the Virtual Machine, the computer I'd installed in my head. "You spaced the hell out last time you saw it, so."

"Ah, I see, I see. A valid concern."

"Frankly, I'm kinda surprised you just went along with it without any explanation," I said.

"Akane was pretty manic," Vicky said. "I figured just playing along was the best idea. I'd get an explanation later. And now I did."

"Makes sense."

"...Hey, Akane, considering, uh, circumstances, you mind if I crash here tonight?"

"Hm? Yeah, sure," Akane said, focused intently on her laptop. "A sleepover sounds fine. Sorry, been... down the rabbit hole, past few weeks."

"I noticed," Vicky said.

"I'll try and make sure she eats regularly and takes breaks," I said.

"Thank you, Rose. I guess you're pretty familiar with a genius' obsession, aren't you?"

"...What do you mean by that?"

"I mean, you've been pretty helpful to Akane's research," Vicky said. "Despite it being established fact in Aleph literature that genius research is impenetrable to normal people, and only other supernaturals can make heads or tails of it. And from how you're more like a research partner or even an advisor?" She sighed, shaking her head. "You don't have to tell me, but... it's pretty obvious what you are."

I inhaled sharply through my teeth. "You know," I said carefully. "It's very inconvenient, how observant you are."

"I get that a lot," she said.

"Right, well... yeah. I'm a genius, just like Akane," I said. "Been doing this a year. And I'm.. probably going to spend the next week or so bringing her up to speed. There isn't  _ that _ much that's a necessary baseline, to be honest, so... a lot of it, she has to learn herself. And one thing, she already has."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," I said. "Hey, Akane. Do you feel like you've got more ideas for stuff to build, now?"

"Hm?" Akane asked, blinking and turning to look at me. "Sorry, what? I was kinda distracted. Had an idea for a forcefield, after spending all that time around Vicky and her cousins."

"Yep," I said, nodding. "You, Akane, have completed a rite of passage: your first Thesis."

"I didn't write it all down yet, though," Akane said, frowning and tilting her head.

"Not that kind," I said gently, patting her shoulder. "Geniuses become more powerful and enmeshed in their inspiration by completing Theses- an act of self-definition relating to how one interacts with mad science. You, who Catalyzed in curiosity and the burning need to know everything about capes, have just finished a quest to find one more piece of the puzzle, and found even more questions to answer. That, right there? That's a Thesis. Your first one, completed a week after your Breakthrough. Mazel tov."

"What exactly does it  _ mean _ that she's more powerful?" Vicky asked.

"Oh, y'know. Her tech becomes a bit more effective, she can maintain more of it, and at the higher end of things she becomes even harder for normal people to understand as she becomes more and more unmoored from reality," I said. "So, y'know. Don't overdo it. I stopped after my second Thesis, and I  _ could _ squeeze in one more without getting any harder to understand, but... Well, I'm quitting while I'm ahead."

"...Unmoored from reality?"

"Short version: nothing a genius builds actually  _ works. _ Our power is that we can subconsciously selectively alter the laws of reality in certain places, mostly in the things we build. It's not something we have great control over, mostly, so it can go really,  _ really _ wrong, especially when some other thinking being who  _ doesn't _ have that spark of magic in them comes along and gives our stuff a cold, hard dose of reality." I shrugged. "Teal deer is, being a genius is about rejecting your reality and substituting my own."

"That's... abjectly terrifying, thank you."

"Not exactly a bed of roses, no."

"Yeah, I- oh you  _ fucker." _

I grinned, and then Akane yawned.

"Right, well." I stood up, and gently jostled Akane's shoulder. "I guess I'd better get this one to bed. C'mon, Akane. Up. Night, Vicky."

"Night."

I guided Akane out of the front room of her apartment, back towards the hall. She woke up enough to pick the right door and open it up, and stumbled over to her bed, face-planting into the sheets with her legs hanging over the edge.

Her room was... the cliche was 'like a bomb went off.' Clothes all over the floor, papers and components all over her desk, a dozen dishes stacked on the nightstand, and, somehow, a bra hanging from one blade of her ceiling fan. How it ended up there, I would never know.

"Hey, Akane?"

"Mm?"

"Before you pass out, you mind telling me which door is to my room?"

Suddenly she was wide awake. "Uhhh... Shut the door real quick?"

"Ooookay?" I said quietly, closing the bedroom door behind me.

"I only have one bed," Akane said. "So... uh, we're going to have to share."

Ah.

"Uh... I could..." Well, no, I could  _ not _ take the floor, it was barely clear enough to hopscotch across and I didn't feel like cleaning her mess.

"Hey, if you're worried about making me uncomfortable, don't be," Akane said. "It's like Vicky said earlier- I already like you and trust you."

"Oh, right, the mind-reading thing," I said. "That's... Mmn."

"You need to talk about something?" Akane asked, rolling over and sitting up on the edge of the bed.

"...Maybe," I said. "Long and short of it is, I'm kinda hesitant to literally jump into bed with someone I just met, even if they're you."

"What's that mean?"

"You're very attractive, friendly, and straightforward," I said. "And I'm... probably reading too much into this, because I am socially inept and grew up without all that many friends and I have no idea if this is normal, or... and either way I'm worried I'm going to make this weird and overstep boundaries and ruin everything."

"...Was that your Catalyst?" Akane asked. "Isolation?"

"Banishment," I corrected her. "Jealousy.  _ Envy. _ If you were hoping for some shy, awkward girl with a heart of gold who just needs to be teased out of her shell, I'm afraid I have to disappoint. If I make things weird, it's going to be an  _ ugly _ weird. Getting clingy and possessive. Not, uh. Not great traits in a roommate. Or a research partner."

"Mm." 

"So. Sharing a bed is probably going to screw things up."

"...Okay, you want boundaries?" Akane said.

"Uh... I mean, I guess?" I rubbed the back of my neck. "I'd kinda like to know where exactly we stand in relation to each other."

"I think we're friends," Akane said. "I know  _ I _ want to be friends. Do you?"

"Uh... yes?"

"And I think hugs and cuddles between friends is all fine and dandy," Akane said, nodding. "And if you want to play with my boobs, then I'd rather you ask first."

I blinked a few times. "...Duly noted, I suppose. Uh, what about..." I glanced down at myself.

"Rose, if I was going to pitch a fit about you pitching a tent, I would've done that already," Akane said. "I won't hold it against you if you hold it against me."

"If I lay down next to you, will you stop making dick puns?"

Akane lifted up her arms. "I want a hug."

I sighed, stepping up to her, wrapping my arms around her... and then lifting her up before throwing the both of us onto the bed, pinning her beneath all hundred fifty pounds of my scrawny ass.

"Yeah, exactly," Akane said, audibly grinning.

I sighed contentedly. I'd kinda missed having friends, and while Akane was a bit more...  _ straightforward _ than I was accustomed to, she was still a friend. And god knows I needed them.

I blinked a few times as I reviewed my thoughts.

"What's so funny?" Akane asked.

"I just  _ accidentally _ completed a Thesis by  _ making friends," _ I said. "Oh my  _ god _ that's pathetic."

"Aw, that's sweet," Akane said, squeezing me tighter. "...Hey, before you pass out, let me roll over? I sleep on my front."

"Right, right, sorry. Night, Akane."

"Night, Rose."

* * *

"Morning," Vicky said as I stumbled out of the bedroom, half awake.

"Good morn..." I trailed off, eyes opening wide. "Oh my god I forgot to untie you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, that's my buffer depleted, just in time for Valentine's Day. Keen-eyed readers might recognize Akane from a smutfic I posted almost exactly a year ago. And hopefully I'll be able to push out a spiritual successor before the day ends for me.
> 
> EDIT: I did it! Here y'all go, a smut omake wherein Rose and Akane's "only one bed" routine goes just a liiiittle bit farther. https://archiveofourown.org/works/29452674/chapters/72347883


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was edited on 2/23/2021; if you read it before then, I recommend rereading it carefully.

"Oh my god Vicky I'm so sorry!"

So far, Vicky had been far more chill about being tied to a chair all night than I had any right to expect.

"Relax, I'm fine," Vicky said, a little nonplussed as Akane hugged her tightly.

I looked away and tried to suppress the pangs of jealousy. This was the sort of shit I was talking about when I was thinking with the upper head about why I shouldn't hop into bed with Akane- now I'm getting weird and gross and possessive and even if I manage to not act like a freak about it, it's still uncomfortable.

"You _know_ what my power is," Vicky continued. "I could've freed myself whenever I wanted."

"Then why didn't you?" I asked.

"I didn't want to ruin the rope," Vicky said. "Good, bondage-quality rope is _expensive._ You don't break that stuff without a good reason."

"...Vicky, that was clothesline," Akane said. "I bought that entire hundred foot section for five bucks at Harbor Freight."

"...Oh," Vicky said. "...So, what, I don't warrant the premium bondage rope? Huh? Is _that_ what you're telling me?"

"If you're so picky about the rope you get tied up with, you can bring your own," I said.

"Is there a problem?" Vicky asked, finally turning her attention to me.

"She's just cranky because she feels left out," Akane said.

"I see, I see," Vicky said, letting go of Akane and taking a step towards me. "You want a hug too, Stretch?"

"What? No," I said. "...Maybe."

She raised her arms and waited. I didn't leave her waiting long.

"Oh jesus christ you're strong," I grunted as she hugged back, lifting me up and off my feet.

"Yep, that's my power," Vicky said, not sounding like she was at all exerting herself. She felt like a statue, hard and unyielding. "Although... Hrm. How much do you weigh?"

"Hundred fifty, hundred sixty, somewhere in that ballpark," I said.

"Jesus, you need to eat more," Vicky muttered. "Yeah, I can probably lift you just with muscle." She set me back down, and suddenly... softened. Slightly. She was still a very muscular and athletic woman, just not _completely unyielding._ "Aaaaaand up we go."

"Is this how you assert your dominance?" I asked, my feet again off the ground.

"Possibly."

"I think she wants an apology," Akane said.

"I already made you a milkshake, what more do you want?" I said, frowning at Vicky.

"I want an omelette."

* * *

"So I had an idea earlier," Akane said while Vicky ate her omelette.

"Should I call the fire department?" I asked, already whipping up another omelette.

"No, no, it's a good one!" Akane promised. "So, yesterday we studied the beginning of the cape experience, right? With the trigger vision that I _promise_ is real, Vicky, I promise, I don't know why you can't see it, but it's real."

"If you say so..." Vicky murmured.

"Well, instead of focusing on that for too long, I decided it'd probably be better to study the rest of the cape experience instead!" Akane said. "And _that_ means being a superhero!"

"No," I said.

"But-" Akane began.

"As someone who's been in an adjacent field, I know for a fact you're not equipped for that," I said. "Pick another avenue of research."

"Hey now, let's ease off on the naysaying, yeah?" Vicky said. "I've been doing this for five years, and my parents have been doing it for twenty. And they proved _pretty conclusively_ that you can, in fact, start a solid hero career out of a one-bedroom apartment."

"Listen, you may have more experience fighting crime, but _I_ have more experience fighting crime _as a genius,"_ I said. "A genius who wants to fight crime needs a well-equipped lab, a good suit of armor, reliable and quick transportation, a stun gun, and _probably_ a good medic. _You,_ on the other hand, only need an omelette and a pep talk."

"I've got ideas for a forcefield based on Vicky's power," Akane said, hope welling up in her eyes.

"And that's a good start, but the fact remains that a one-bedroom apartment is the wrong place to try to have a lab capable enough to support a genius-at-arms."

"When were _you_ a hero?" Vicky asked.

"I left Texas for a reason, let's leave it at that," I said. In reality, I left Texas because my Research Fellowship with the Perfected Vision Institute enabled me to move out of my parents' house, and I decided that I could tolerate the cold a lot more than I could tolerate the heat. I hadn't gotten involved in the Peerage's reignited Invisible Wars with Lemuria until I arrived in Atlantic City. And then, I hadn't even made the conscious decision to quit. I'd just suffered a bizarre lab accident that rendered me unable to continue, and found myself wholly unconcerned with going back.

Silence had fallen, I realized.

"Look," I said. "I'm... Okay, yes, I _am_ putting forward an objection to going out, looking for trouble, and beating up muggers and pickpockets, but there _is_ a specific part of the hero milieu that I'm more or less okay with, _if_ Akane is properly equipped for it. Which, for the time being, she is not. _So..._ Either she picks a different avenue of research..." I sighed. _"Or,_ we start looking for the kind of funding it'd take to get a new place to put our lab."

"Sell your tech for a profit?" Vicky suggested.

"Genius-tech goes violently haywire when normies so much as _touch_ the stuff, let alone trying to _use_ it," I said. "At any rate, I _do_ actually know how to raise the kind of funds we need. It'll just take some time, and a few calls." I grimaced. "Assuming we don't, uh... reprioritize. F'rinstance, Akane, why not take a few readings on Vicky's power, see what you can learn?"

"Actually, I've gotta go pretty soon," Vicky said. "Got patrol around noon-ish."

"Awww," Akane said. "Thanks for staying as long as you did, though. It was nice to have you over!"

"It wasn't entirely by choice, but you're welcome!"

* * *

"So, Rose," Akane said, after I got out of the shower. "You said you had ideas for continuing my research, right?"

"Ah, right, that," I said. "Okay, so, you want to study the experience of being a cape, right?"

"Mhm."

"And unfortunately, due to meaningful differences in psychology, you can't get that first-hand."

"According to both you and the expert we consulted, yes."

"And, woe betide us, the only way to get it  _ second- _ hand is to use that fancy memory scanner you already built yesterday that can read memories out of someone's head and translate it into a handy-dandy .mp4 format." I sat down on the couch, grinning.

Akane blinked a few times. Then she grinned back, and sat in my lap.

"Oh, hello there," I said, trying very hard to avoid popping a situationally inappropriate boner. "Can I help you?"

"Keep going," Akane said. "Talk data to me."

"Oh you fucking  _ nerd," _ I said, giggling. "Well! Studying all that data would be the work of years, even if we only scanned  _ one _ veteran hero- namely, Vicky. So, we're going to cheat."

"Will that impact the validity of the data?" Akane asked.

"Probably not," I said. "We're going to build a big fuckin' supercomputer to analyze the data  _ for _ us, crunch the numbers, and quantify that which normally cannot be quantified."

"...Wouldn't that be expensive?" Akane asked.

"Less than you think!" I said. "But it would still cost money, and more importantly, because it has to be big- size matters- we're going to need more space."

"Wait, what do you mean, size matters?" Akane asked.

"The stuff we build- frequently called 'Wonders' because Geniuses are just about everything except humble- can become more or less effective by making it larger or smaller," I said. "It is, funnily enough, an effect that  _ has _ been quantified and put into numbers. I'll teach you the system at some point. For right now, though, all you need to know is that a supercomputer the size of a car is going to be more effective than one the size of a briefcase, and  _ no, _ I can't just build two briefcase supercomputers and network them together. I tried, it didn't work. Nobody really knows why, it just  _ doesn't." _

"But being a Genius is all about breaking the rules of reality."

"And if that was the whole, entire truth, then I would have an entire fucking dyson sphere built around a goddamn  _ galaxy, _ populated entirely with sexy demon nuns whose society is centered around the production of esoteric pornography. Fact of the matter is, for all that we break some rules, there's  _ other _ rules we  _ can't _ break."

Akane mulled this over. "...Why demon nuns?"

"I feel like that's not the salient point," I said.

"Do you want to see  _ me _ in a nun outfit?" Akane asked, batting her eyelashes at me.

"One, it's called a habit, and two-" I tipped her back and out of my lap, and then stood up. "Do you like this place?"

"Huh?" Akane asked, flat on her back and not bothering to change that. "No, it sucks. If you move out,  _ take me with you." _

"Okay, okay," I said. "Guess I'm looking for a combined lab and living space. And I  _ could _ scour the internet and wrack my brain... or, I could take a chance and call a friend."

"Aren't all your old friends-"

"On Aleph, yes," I said. "Which has a closed borders policy with Bet, and the means to enforce it." I sighed. "Here's hoping I can trust my friends."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay- my buffer ran out and then the entire state of Texas collectively shat the bed, and I've been intermittently without power or internet for the last few days. I THINK the rolling blackouts are over now, but I don't wanna count my chickens just yet.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was edited on 2/23/2021; if you read it before then, I recommend rereading it carefully.

“Step one, connect to Aleph. This... is gonna be tricky."

"Can I help?" Akane asked.

"Not really," I said. "Just... give me a minute."

My crown jewel, my accomplishment that had earned me a Research Fellowship with the Perfected Vision Institute, was what I called the Virtual Machine. A virtual machine was just an emulated computer running on a larger computer's hardware, and the only thing that made this one special was that the larger computer it was running on was my brain.

It wasn't just a computer inside my head, though- that would certainly be useful and impressive, but hardly a crown jewel. No, the thing that made it impressive were the apps I'd installed. A basic information-scanner, built as an ephemeral computer program rather than a physical device, and a basic hacking module, built the same way, combined and integrated with each other and the Virtual Machine to let me hack just about any computer in the world that didn't have its  _ own _ bullshit superscience security on it.

And that included the Modem of the Gods, the interdimensional router built by the Peerage to enable an internet connection between Aleph and Bet.

Once I was in, it was a lot easier to route into my home internet and send an email that looked like it'd been sent from there.

"You mind if I hijack your TV for a video call?" I asked, glancing at Akane. Time elapsed, three seconds.

"Of course," Akane said. "Sounds like fun! Is that a trick you can teach me how to do?"

"Probably," I said, pulling out my phone. Being that I had a computer in my head, I rarely needed one in my hand, but every so often, I did have use for an external screen that could show other people something. Or, in this case... a camera. I propped it up on the dinky little Ikea nightstand that had been repurposed to hold Akane's TV, and sat back down on the couch, mentally checking the camera's feed to make sure I was in the frame. "Alright, should be getting the call soon. Take a seat if you wanna be in the call."

"Who's calling?"

"A colleague of mine, named 8-Ball," I said. "She's a Research Fellow of the Iridium Sentinels. Their mandate is fighting crime with superscience, and the specific bit of kit they focus on to do it with is power armor and all the gadgets that go inside it. 8-Ball's one of the best, because she studied miniaturization with the Reformed Society of Progenitors... and also their love of weird transhumanism, which is probably where she got the idea of surgically attaching the power armor to herself, to make it even more efficient and effective." I tapped my chin, trying to recall literally anything I'd learned about 8-Ball that wasn't about her tech. "...She's otherwise a very private person. I don't even know if she considers 8-Ball to be her real name."

"Have you asked?" Akane asked.

"Well, we only really worked together on paramilitary raids against Lemuria, and neither of us was terribly sociable at the time," I said. "She would've been exactly the right person for you to ask about how to fight crime as a genius, if I hadn't talked you out of it."

"There but for the grace of god go I," Akane mused.

"Oop, here comes the call," I muttered. "We get signal. Main screen turn on."

"Dork," Akane said with a grin.

The TV flickered on with a will of its own.

_ "Ophiuchus," _ 8-Ball said.  _ "You're alive. I'm disappointed." _

8-Ball was only in frame from the shoulders up. That small glimpse, however, was plenty enough to see how her power armor, rather than the sleek, metallic, mechanistic lines of the normal stuff, was instead a chitinous, techno-organic gigeresque nightmare. Her helmet's 'face' was something out of a Giger imitator's sketchbook, and over one shoulder hung a small, insectoid arm, at the end of which was mounted a gnarly-looking plasma-ball launcher.

I frowned. She'd had two of them, last I saw her; what happened to the other?

"Oh, you know how it is," I said. "That Orphan tore open a portal around me before giving up the ghost, and now I don't know how to get back. Don't bother calling in the retrieval team, though; I think I actually like this dimension better than home."

8-Ball snorted.  _ "What do you want, Ophiuchus?" _

"Ophiuchus?" Akane asked.

_ "Her call-sign," _ 8-Ball said.  _ "She handled snakes in the grass." _

"Anyway, 8-Ball," I said, trying to guide the conversation back onto a more productive avenue. "I've got internet to you, so that's one problem solved. I need your advice for the next one. Akane here is one of the local Geniuses- they don't have a Peerage or even Fellowships; no institutions whatsoever. Where should we go so that we've got space for a lab, but without moving out into the woods?"

_ "Suburbs are a bad place for a lab," _ 8-Ball said.  _ "Neighbors complain about noise. Look for a place in town with mixed commercial-residential or industrial-residential zoning. Or skip the residential and hope they don't notice your little crash-pad above the main floor." _

"Anything more specific?"

_ "Urban decay," _ 8-Ball said.  _ "Abandoned warehouses, factories, machine shops... Might have to clear out some squatters, but otherwise, should be fine. Need me to hold your hand some more, or can I go now?" _

"I think I got it from here," I said. "Thanks, 8-Ball."

_ "Don't stay too long," _ 8-Ball warned.  _ "You know you're not going to find the Needle Grail over there." _

"Yeah, yeah, I know," I said. "See you around. Don't get killed."

_ "No promises." _ The call cut out, and I sighed.

"...So, does Brockton Bay have anywhere that fits that bill?" I asked, prompting Akane to inhale sharply through her teeth.

* * *

"Rose, literally everyone you've met since you got here was a superhero!" Akane said. "That is  _ not an option!" _

Brockton Bay, as it turned out, was a port city whose port had ended up going completely defunct in the last few decades. It had never been a major manufacturing hub, but there was some; definitely a few local machine shops to service the ships in and out of the port, producing replacement parts.

Most of them were no longer in service. A terrible shame for the economy, but good news for scavengers like myself; finding one to buy and move into was the easiest thing in the world.

It was the part where we had to actually  _ pay _ for it that was tricky. Akane had barely enough money to live on as it was, and the preliminary estimate for how much the abandoned machine shop would cost was well out of her price bracket, even with help from my grant money from the Perfected Vision Institute. So... since I could effortlessly hack any computer in the world, my suggestion had been what some would uncharitably describe as "stealing" or "financial fraud."

"Well, what's  _ your _ bright idea?" I asked.

"Taking out a loan? Getting jobs?" Akane huffed. "I mean, you've got a doctorate!"

"Issued by the Perfected Vision Institute, in the field of Internal Computer Science," I pointed out. "In terms of actual, credible degrees, I have an Associate's in game design from a community college. But, fine, I'll look around, see what I can scrounge up that someone might hire a genius to do."

"Thank you." Akane sighed, and tried to regain her composure. "I gotta go to class now. You gonna be okay on your own?"

"I'll be fine," I said, trying very hard to not point out that I was a grown-ass woman who owned a house and did not need to be looked after. "Take care."

* * *

"That was quick," Carol Dallon, Victoria's mother and part-time lawyer, said as I walked into the office.

"This took precedence," I said diplomatically, instead of 'it wasn't like I had anything better to do.' "Thank you for agreeing to meet with me. I don't suppose you happen to have a deck of cards?"

It had been an hour or so. In that time, I'd taken a shower, sent some texts to both Vicky and Miss Militia- the latter of whom had been surprised to learn I knew her phone number until I explained that I was a genius looking for work- and learned that Mrs. Dallon worked for a firm that was perennially behind on the digitization process.

From there, it wasn't too terribly hard to arrange an interview to prove that I could, in fact, do what I claimed I could.

"I do, actually," Carol said, reaching for her purse. What was it with New Wave women and carrying poker decks at all times? And why had that habit been passed down to  _ Crystal, _ who by my understanding wasn't even Carol's daughter? "Why do you ask?"

"This is a job all about transferring what's written on pieces of paper into a computer," I said. "A deck of playing cards provides a convenient, small-scale, easily-verifiable test. I can provide other assurances, of course, but I felt a deck of cards was a good place to start."

"I... see," Carol said. "How, exactly, do you expect to prove your credentials with playing cards, however?"

"If you'll humor me for just a minute and shuffle the deck, I can pull up on my phone the exact ordering of the cards," I said, taking my phone out and turning on the screen. "Ready when you are."

Carol shuffled the deck with the easy speed of someone with unreasonable amounts of experience, and considered herself done after only fifteen seconds. "Forty third card from the top."

The Virtual Machine scanned the deck- I'd been surprised initially to learn that it could scan  _ all _ data storage devices, not just computers- and spat the results onto my phone screen, where I made a show of skimming through the results. "Nine of Hearts."

She thumbed through the cards rapidly, stopping on the forty third card, and pulled it out. "...Impressive," she said.

"Might I ask  _ why _ you have a deck of cards?" I asked.

"I like solitaire," Carol said, putting the deck away and standing up. "One more test, and then I'll be convinced."

"Of course, of course," I said, nodding.

She opened up a filing cabinet, and withdrew a manila folder. "Scan the contents of this folder into Word documents, one document for each staple, and email them to me."

"That may take a minute," I said, opening up the browser on my phone and starting to type with my thumbs. In reality, I was using the Virtual Machine to hastily check whether or not Bet's .docx format was the same as Aleph's, and then near-silently sighed in relief when it was. "Alright, good, I  _ do _ have that format supported already. Aaaaand..." I typed some more, and ran the scan-save-send process. "...Done."

Carol put the folder back, and sat down, checking her computer. A minute and a few clicks later, she made an appreciative humming noise. "It's all there. Well, Miss..?"

"Corcoran," I said. "Rose Victoria Corcoran."

"I'm convinced of your capabilities, and I'm sure my boss will be, too. We'll give you a call sometime in the next week to negotiate payment."

"Excellent, thank you. A pleasure doing business with you."

* * *

"Hey, Rose," Akane said as she walked in. "How're you?"

"Working on a video game," I said, my eyes closed.

"Oh, cool! I didn't know you had video games on your brain computer." She sat down on the bed beside me. "Which one? Is it Starcraft? Should I shut up so you can focus on your Zerg Rush?"

"No, I mean I'm  _ creating _ a video game," I said. "Told you I had a degree in game design, didn't I?"

_ "Oooooooh," _ Akane said. "What kind of game?"

"Hybrid tower defense slash city builder," I said. "Saw the premise done by Bloons City, and thought to myself, 'hey, I could do that too.' So I am."

"How's it coming?"

"It turns out that when you install a computer in your brain and then try to run buggy code on it, sometimes you get a migraine and have to lie down with your eyes closed for a while."

"...Oh no."

"So, I am not  _ currently _ developing Rose Corcoran's Kickass City Builder Tower Defense Twenty- hang on, what year is it?"

"2013. Is it not the same year on Aleph?"

"It is 2021 on Aleph," I said. "The time gap is... not something anyone thinks about all that much, on Aleph; to us, Bet is just yet another weird-ass alternate dimension with a bizarre gimmick. Remind me to tell you about the one with anthropomorphic animals who regularly eat each other. Or the Martian Invasion. Or, hell, Lemuria in general."

"Every new thing you tell me about Aleph is the weirdest thing I have ever heard, and I need to know more."

"One time I came home from a business trip to find a Frankenstein squatting in my basement. I was gone for only a week." I groaned. "Anyhow, I still have a migraine, so... you mind giving me some dark and quiet?"

"Oh! Of course, of course, sorry." Akane patted me on the head. "Feel better soon."

She left... and I couldn't stop thinking about how nice that had felt. I had it  _ bad, _ didn't I?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made some substantial edits to Chapters 4 & 5\. If you don't want to go back and reread them, the TL;DR is that Akane is going to be collecting memory readings from active capes instead of trying to become one herself. I go into my reasoning why in the end note.

"So, you keep mentioning this 'Lemuria' group," Vicky said.

It'd been about two weeks since I arrived, and during that time, Vicky had consulted with us on the ethics of our research project. It would, obviously, be volunteer-only, informed consent- the memory scanning was a lot easier when the subject wasn't resisting it, which didn't seem to comfort Vicky any. However, it was the part where we had to inform our subjects that Vicky was most eager to help with, having finally drafted an informative pamphlet on what the process entailed yesterday, a draft clean enough that I could've sent it to the printer with no edits necessary.

"It's complicated, and involves time travel," I said. "The short version is, when the human consensus rejects a belief, sometimes that belief takes on a life of its own, grounded in the energies of mad science. Well, a land bridge hypothesis that sophists and pagans and conspiracy theorists got hold of was disproved by continental drift, and suddenly time traveling snake people went back to the dawn of history and conquered the world. The humans who carried on their mission make up an organization we call Lemuria."

The law firm paid well, and now Akane and I were the official owners of an abandoned machine shop, whose upper floor had been renovated into an apartment by contractors who'd been recommended to me by, weirdly enough, a firm that built Endbringer shelters, who Carol had in her rolodex for some reason.

I wasn't sure what an Endbringer shelter was, but the firm was apparently the steadiest source of employment in town for construction workers who weren't white, and most of the other contractors were openly sympathetic to or in league with the local neo-nazis. Given that I'm Jewish and Akane is Asian, we decided we'd rather someone with slightly less applicable experience, and ended up pleasantly surprised. No 'builder-grade' lumber or shoddy workmanship. Whole place was sturdy, and would probably last a lifetime.

"Huh," Vicky said. "...Funky."

"Yeah, mad science can get fucking  _ weird," _ I said, putting the blender away and opening another box.

"Speaking of weird, I didn't want to ask earlier, but... why do you have tentacles?" Vicky asked.

"Why wouldn't I?" I asked.

"Because humans don't have tentacles," Vicky said, hefting a box and bringing it towards the kitchen.

"Oh dear, have yours not grown in yet?" I asked. "My,  _ my, _ are you a late bloomer."

"Okay first of all, I actually  _ was _ and I'd rather you not joke about it."

"Sorry."

_ "Second, _ I'm trying to get to know you. You know, being friendly and all? If it's personal, just say so."

"No, I'm just razzing your berries," I said. "I specialize in implanted technology- managed to join a Research Fellowship on Aleph, so I must be pretty good." I had yet to inform Vicky that I was  _ from _ Aleph, and likely never would. "Anyhow, the tentacles aren't  _ quite _ implanted technology, seeing as they go  _ outside _ my body too, but they're still nice to have. Especially since they're brushing the upper bounds of human strength, and turn me into basically a low-rent forklift when it comes to moving heavy shit."

"Are they any good in a fight?" Vicky asked.

"They were, once upon a time," I said. "...Why the hell does Akane own a waffle iron that's never been taken out of the box?"

"That is probably one of the least weird things about her."

"Fair."

"So, back to the tentacles-"

"They were not made for sexual purposes and I have never  _ used _ them for sexual purposes," I said. "And unless you're volunteering to change that, that's the end of that line of discussion."

"...You get asked that a lot, huh?"

"Usually by men who own anime body pillows. Even if I  _ was _ into men, it wouldn't be them."

"What  _ would _ your hypothetical type be?" Vicky asked.

"Wow, you managed to find a topic even more uncomfortable than tentacle sex," I said. "Why does Akane own three toasters."

"Wh- I don't know. Ask her yourself."

"...I think I will." I pulled out my phone and called Akane.

_ "Hey Rose, is something the matter?" _ Akane asked.

"Why do you have three toasters?"

_ "What, a girl can't have hobbies?" _

I blinked a few times. "...Uh."

_ "I scavenged them out of a dumpster for parts. I don't eat toast." _

"Oh."

_ "You should... probably just throw them out." _

"Erm..."

_ "...Did you use them?" _

"Well, I  _ do _ eat toast."

_ "...Well, if you were going to get food poisoning, you would've already. It's probably fine. Is that all?" _

"Yeah, sorry for interrupting your class."

_ "Eh, it's just calculus. Way I see it, I can just make you put a computer in my head too, and I won't even have to try very hard." _

"Akane, are you asking me to do brain surgery on you just so you can cheat on a test?" I asked in my sternest tone of voice.

"She's  _ what?" _ Vicky hissed.

_ "Yes. Yes I am." _

"I'm so proud of you. Of  _ course _ I'll do it."

"No you will not!" Vicky said.

_ "Is Vicky there?" _ Akane asked as Vicky took the phone from me.

"Akane, I know you're enthusiastic about the whole genius thing, but you need to slow your roll," Vicky said.

_ "But I don't want to," _ Akane said pleadingly.

"You're not her mom," I said, plucking my phone out of Vicky's grip.

"Have you  _ met _ her mom?" Vicky said. "Haruna Sakurai is cool and all, but there's a  _ reason _ Akane is the way she is."

"You mean friendly and straightforward and generally happy and  _ not _ suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder like myself and everyone else I've met since I came to this shithole?"

_ "Is Vicky badmouthing my mom again?" _ Akane asked.  _ "She's just jealous because Mom balls harder getting out of bed than Vicky will in her entire life." _

"That sounds like the beginning of an interesting story, but also I'm hanging up now. Go back to class."

_ "I don't wanna." _

"Tough shit." I hung up, pocketing my phone, and then groaned. "Well. Time to unpack  _ even more _ shit."

"Remind me again why I let you talk me into this?" Vicky asked.

"I paid you a hundred dollars."

"Oh right."

\---

"...Fold," Akane said.

"This isn't as fun with just three people," Vicky muttered, frowning.

"We could call your cousins again, see about making poker night a regular thing," I said.

_ "Oooor _ we could play strip poker!" Akane said.

"Point of order, who here besides me is actually into women?" I asked.

"I am," Akane said.

"Look, if I wanted to see naked people, I've got the internet for that," Vicky said. "I'm playing poker because I want a game with complex tactical decisions about resource allocation, probability, and bluffing."

Someone knocked on the door.

"Okay," I said. "In the spirit of you two trusting me to not cheat with the Virtual Machine, I am trusting you two to not look at my cards while I figure out who the hell is at the door."

"I'm offended that you feel the need to say that out loud," Vicky said.

I got up, and opened the door, revealing a pair of yet more ambiguously college-age women. Both white, one a skinny, pretty femme with dirty-blonde hair and freckles across the bridge of her nose, the other a muscly, square-jawed butch with auburn hair and a leashed rottweiler at her feet.

"You the new neighbors?" Blondie asked.

"No, we're especially bold squatters," I said flatly.

"Rose, quit being a dick," Akane called from the living room.

"Yes, well." I cleared my throat. "I wasn't aware we would have neighbors. Hope you don't mind the noise that comes with people using an industrial zone for its intended purpose."

"We'll live. Rose, was it? I'm Lisa, and this is my roommate, Rachel. We're set up in the loft of Redmond Welding, with a few others." She grinned. "Cheaper than apartments, after all."

"Yes, well..." I trailed off, and furrowed my brow, flicking on the latest addition to the Virtual Machine.

Akane's brain-scanner was built on principles that I could understand. And it turned out that just about everyone on this planet knew that cape powers were controlled in the brain- an easily-identifiable structure that any jackass with an MRI could identify.

These two were capes. Their roommates probably were too. And they were scoping us out to make sure we wouldn't be trouble.

And Blondie- I mean, Lisa- was apparently just as psychic as I was, judging by the way her smile tightened, her eyes went a bit wider, and her thoughts turned into a feedback loop of 'oh crap she's a hero who can read my thoughts and knows I'm a villain.'

"...Wanna come inside for a drink?" I said, stepping back. "We're playing poker, and it'd be better with more."

Lisa blinked a few times. "...Sure, I'm game. Rachel?" A wordless nod. "Perfect."

"Alright, we're playing Texas Hold'em, with blind bets to keep things interesting," I said. "It'll make sense soon enough."

"...Is that Glory Girl?" Lisa asked.

"Nope, that's my friend, Vicky, who simply looks like Glory Girl," I said. "She helped us move in, and is playing poker with us because it turns out that's a shared interest. Would you like a water bowl for your dog?"

Rachel nodded wordlessly. No doubt Lisa had given her strict instructions to let  _ her _ do the talking.

"We starting over?" Vicky asked.

"I think so, yeah," I said, grabbing a bowl out of the cabinet and filling it from the sink. "Let's do this." I briefly turned my attention to the dog watching me very attentively, and decided to see if the Virtual Machine's telepathy app could read dog minds too. Judging by the fact that he was wary of me and worried I was trying to buy his loyalty with water, and wanted to make sure I didn't hurt his master, it absolutely could. "With Vicky dealing, this round has the small blind of one chip on Akane, and the big blind of two chips on Lisa." I checked my hole cards- Ace and Jack of Spades.

"I'm Akane, by the way," Akane said. "Do you know what the Needle Grail is?"

Lisa blinked a few times. "...Nnnno."

"Akane's curiosity gets the better of her sometimes," I said as Vicky dealt us our hole cards. "Please ignore her."

"This is the second time I've heard her say 'Needle Grail,'" Vicky said. "The hell is she on about?"

"It's some obscure jargon about a thing nobody but me and Akane really gives a shit about," I said. "Obscure jargon about something that doesn't even really exist. Akane, do you call?"

"Hmmm... I think so," Akane said, pushing two chips into the pot- one for her blind, one for her call.

"Check," Lisa said, tapping the table, having already put in her blind.

Rachel looked at her cards silently for a few moments. Then... "Fold." She put her cards face-up on the table- a pair of twos. She... probably had no idea how to play poker.

"Calling," I said, pushing two chips into the pot.

"Calling," Vicky said, putting in two chips and dealing the first three flop cards- Ten, Queen, and King of Diamonds. If they'd been Spades, I'd have a Royal Flush, but no, I wasn't that lucky. Just a straight with Ace high.

"Check," Akane said.

"Raising," Lisa said, smirking and pushing five chips- leaving her with only three left- into the pot.

Was this a power play? Was Lisa trying to assert dominance at the poker table? Was she, in fact, trying to impress us with how big her brain-cock was? I decided to take a peek.

_ "Shit, she's onto me," _ Lisa thought, hastily stoppering the flow of her power. I checked her cards- a pair of Aces, Clubs and Hearts.

"Calling," I said, smiling lightly.

"...Fold," Vicky said.

"Fold," Akane said.

Vicky dealt out the fourth flop card, but not before I cheated. The Virtual Machine couldn't just  _ read _ analogue media, after all. It could  _ write _ to it, too. Vicky dealt the Ace of Spades, and I now held the Ace and Jack of Diamonds.

"...All in," Lisa said, pushing her remaining three chips into the pot.

"Calling," I said, pushing in my own.

"And, for the big, dramatic showdown..." Vicky said, picking up the final card and preparing to deal it. "...Ten of Clubs." And then she carelessly tossed it face-up onto the table.

"Full house," Lisa said, revealing her pair of aces.

"Royal flush," I said, revealing my own re-suited Ace and Jack.

Lisa squinted at me, examining me carefully. I leaned back on the couch, turning the scanner back on.

_ "What an asshole," _ Lisa thought.  _ "This is gonna be  _ fun."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand another chapter. I made some substantial edits to Chapters 4 & 5; I realized that I didn't actually want to put capeshit in the middle of my lesbian fluff fic, because hey, maybe watching Akane accidentally kill a man and figure out how to live with that- while a cool character moment- is wholly inappropriate for the kind of good time I'm peddling here.


	7. Chapter 7

"Akane, we have more than one bed now."

"But I like this better. You're like a weighted blanket that sometimes spits out unsolicited trivia."

It had been a valiant effort, but not even buying a second bed with a twin-size mattress was enough to dissuade Akane from sharing a bed with me. She was like a particularly clingy cat... or just a girl who liked me and wanted affection, and didn't care for sleeping alone.

"Or solicited trivia," Akane added. "Who  _ were _ those people?"

"Definitely capes," I said. "Anything more is speculation."

"Did you not speculate?"

"Oh, no, I speculated like  _ hell _ and have those two pegged as Tattletale and Hellhound, of the Undersiders. Lisa's some kind of psychic, just like Tattletale is theorized to be, and Rachel had a dog with her- and Hellhound turns dogs into giant monsters, so..." I shrugged. "Thing is, I don't know that for  _ absolute _ certain. I'm just  _ pretty sure." _

"Ooooh, the Undersiders? You know, if we ask them to be in our study, on conditions of confidentiality, we'd have more data to work with,  _ and _ it'd resolve some of the tension, let them know where they stand with us."

I opened my mouth... and then I blinked.

"...Maybe," I said. "That's... actually not a terrible idea. Especially resolving the tension."

"Hey, just because I'm friendly and curious doesn't mean I'm dumb," Akane said.

"So you understand exactly what the implications are of insisting that we cuddle and share a bed every night, especially since you know that I'm gay, and I'm reasonably certain you are, too."

"I'm just being friendly," Akane insisted. "We could both use the cuddles."

"And I appreciate that, but I do  _ not _ appreciate being jerked around," I said. "Be honest with me, here: is this  _ really _ just your idea of close friendship, or are you angling for something more but too nervous to say so?"

Akane didn't say anything.

"Come on, I'm not a mind reader," I said.

"Yes you are!" Akane protested.

"Okay, I am, but I don't want to," I said. "I want to hear you  _ say _ it. Make up your mind and decide for yourself. If I just pluck it out of your mind like a carrot, that's not really communication, is it?"

Akane groaned, and I sighed.

"Okay, well," I said, getting up and out of bed. "In the meantime, I think I'd like to sleep alone tonight. I'm not  _ mad _ at you or anything, this isn't a punishment, I just would like a night of privacy to myself."

"Awww..."

"Akane, it's been two weeks, and I am  _ really _ backed up. Get out of my room so I can crank my hog."

"Can I help?" Akane offered.

_ "After _ we go on a few dates," I said. "I'm not that kind of girl. But thank you for finally saying it."

* * *

"Oh, hi Lisa," I said. "What's up?"

"Oh, you know how it is. I wanted to invite you to my D&D game," Lisa said.

It had been all of a day since Akane and I had moved in. I  _ had _ been working on a desktop-sized supercomputer- Akane and I had agreed that a computer the size of a car was probably overkill- until Lisa came knocking, and I found myself forced to answer the door, since Akane was off hanging out with Vicky. Without me. Admittedly, the 'without me' bit was my own fault; I wasn't feeling too social today, so I stayed home.

Still. I couldn't help but shake the feeling that I was now in competition with Vicky over Akane. Which was stupid and ridiculous and shitty, but unfortunately irrational thoughts don't go away just because you know they're irrational. Especially not when you're a Genius.

"Sounds fine by me," I said.

"Great!" Lisa said. "Do you mind hosting it here? And maybe recruiting your roommates? And DMing?"

"I only have the one, but I'll tell Vicky she's invited, too," I said. "You don't have a D&D campaign, do you?"

"Well, I do  _ now," _ Lisa said, grinning. "And lemme guess, you want something in return?"

"Not quite, it's more that I want something, and it's independent of the D&D stuff," I said. "Here, come inside and shut the door. Letting all the heat out. Have a seat."

Lisa flopped onto the couch, positioning herself roguishly.

"So, you're a cape, I'm a genius- kinda like a Tinker except not really- and I have no real reason to fight you or turn you in," I said, taking a seat in the chair across from her.

"Music to my ears," Lisa said, in the same tone of voice she might use to say 'of course' or 'naturally.'

"My roommate, Akane, is  _ also _ a genius, and she's researching the parahuman condition," I said. "Built herself a memory-scanner, and eager to scan some cape memories."

"And you want  _ my _ memories," Lisa said.

"The whole team, really," I said. "I'm sure you're very interesting, but a good scientist looks at  _ all _ the data, and Akane likes to cosplay as a good scientist."

"Cosplay?"

"Short version is, doing actual science as a practice when you're a genius is harder than it usually is, because our power is all about forcing reality to agree with us, whereas science is forcing yourself to agree with reality. The signal to noise ratio is pretty low." I grinned. "So, no, you don't have to worry about-" I quickly scanned her mind for something harmlessly embarrassing. "-the time you fell for three variations of updog in a row ending up in a scientific journal."

"You're a mean lady," Lisa said.

"I know. Fun, isn't it? For me, at least."

Lisa huffed, folding her arms.

"But anyway, your secrets are safe with me," I said. "You're pretty small potatoes, so I don't see any reason to bother you. I won't tell Glory Girl about you. As far as she'll know, you're just art students."

"Ow, my ego," Lisa said dispassionately. "And will that assessment stay where it is if I say no, I won't let you scan my memories? Because I'm not sold on that yet."

"Yet?" I asked. "What're you angling for  _ now?" _

"Tinkertech," Lisa said primly.

"No," I said. "Regular tinkertech, built by actual Tinkers, is temperamental and hard to maintain. Stuff built by  _ geniuses _ is prone to gaining a mind of its own and trying to kill people when normies so much as  _ touch _ the stuff.  _ However... _ If you just want us to use it on your behalf, then... maybe."

"Hrm..." Lisa hummed, reaching up to stroke her chin. "...Alright, what  _ can _ you do for us?"

"I've done some research- Rachel's identity is public, isn't it?" I asked. "Very inconvenient. She could be recognized at the grocery store. What I'm offering is some mad science plastic surgery that'd make Rachel look  _ completely _ different. Not even limited to human bounds- you want her to look like a werewolf, with fur and claws? I can do that, although I'd question the wisdom of it."

"You can do that?" Lisa asked.

"Where do you think  _ these _ came from?" I asked, gesturing at my chest. Permanent human transmutation had been a tough nut to crack, but once I managed it, it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me, and it made up for all the awful shit that being a genius brought into my life. "Trust me, I am  _ very _ experienced."

"You've done this  _ once," _ Lisa said.

"And it worked perfectly, so shut up," I said, folding my arms. "Anyway, does that sound like a fair trade, or no?"

"For all of us to get memory scanned... I'm on board,  _ but, _ I'll have to talk it over with the others," Lisa said.

"Fair enough," I said. "We can talk about it at the first D&D session."

The front door opened and I jumped.

"Did someone say D&D?" Akane asked. "Oh, hey Lisa. Hey, Rose, Vicky's here too."

"Heyo," Vicky said, walking in after Akane. The two were sweaty and flushed and wearing workout clothes that were  _ quite _ clingy, what with all the sweat. It was an appealing sight- Akane especially, but Vicky as well, the lines of her biceps highlighted by the glistening of her skin. "What's this I hear about D&D?"

"I'm going to tie you to a chair again, except the brain-bending stimulus is going to be me narrating how sexy my elfish self-insert character is instead of a trigger vision," I said.

"Again?" Lisa asked. "Now  _ that _ sounds like there's a story there."

"A bit," I said, standing up and wrapping Akane in a... rather  _ possessive _ hug.

"Hello Rose, I missed you too, but I should probably take a shower first," Akane said.

"I studied computer science in college. I'm not easily perturbed by a lack of showers." Also, I needed to assert my dominance and my claim where Vicky would see it, because apparently my brain has been possessed by the spirit of a pop culture wolf. 

"Wait, past tense?" Vicky asked. "...How old  _ are _ you, anyhow?"

"Twenty three," I said.

"Oh. Okay, that's... a lot more reasonable," Vicky said.

"How old are you?" I asked, trying to avoid thinking about the way Vicky had just accused me of being predatory and not belonging, and how that lined up with some awful stereotypes and also my own personal insecurities.

"Twenty. So's Akane," Vicky said. "So, D&D- can I invite my sister? She needs new friends as much as I do, really."

"I'll allow it," I said. "She seems nice. I like Amber."

"Amy."

"Details."

"Speaking of details-"

"We'll figure out who's DMing and the system over email," Lisa said. "And... when we meet for the first time."

"Well, glad that's settled," I said. "Now... I apparently have  _ two _ guests to entertain, so..." I hummed. "...Well, I didn't buy that Xbox for nothing. Anyone feel like a round of Halo?"

* * *

"Why would you fire the rocket launcher  _ that close _ to us?!"

I could only cackle.


	8. Chapter 8

"Hey, Akane, did your mother grow up in Japan?" I asked, carefully flipping through the obviously hand-bound cookbook.

"Nope, she grew up in Brockton Bay," Akane said from the living room, looking over scanned memories. "So did Grandma. Great Grandma grew up in Sapporo, and moved to Brockton Bay. Why do you ask?"

"Because the cookbook is bound in the traditional Japanese four-hole method," I said.

"Oh. Nope! No, it's just that Great Grandma thought that was important Japanese cultural knowledge to pass down to her daughter in Brockton Bay."

"Why Brockton Bay, and not somewhere in California?" I asked.

"Because everyone else was moving to California, and Great Grandma didn't leave the country because she liked everyone else. You probably would've liked her, she was a mean old bitch."

"Hey!" I protested. "I'm not  _ old!" _ I huffed. "Anyway, how do you feel about teriyaki chicken?"

"I love you," Akane said, finally turning away from her laptop to look me in the eyes. "Also why do you recognize traditional Japanese bookbinding, you fucking weeb?"

"My anime phase ended in high school, thankyouverymuch," I said. "Anyway, I recognize it because I have ADHD and frequently hop from hobby to hobby, and one of them, for a while, was bookbinding." I chewed on my lip as I got a bottle of teriyaki sauce out of the fridge, along with some chicken thighs. "Another was trying to learn Japanese so I wouldn't be at the mercy of translators for updates to my favorite harem manga."

"I see you're a woman of culture and taste," Akane said, returning to her laptop.

"There's a lot of awful fanfiction I scoured off the internet after I graduated from high school." I hummed. "You know what, I'm still mad at the ending for explaining... so very little. I have no fucking clue what the hell the villain's plan or goal was. I don't know what the hell that flying island is all about, or... Anyway, do you think the others are gonna bring food?"

"Probably," Akane said. "Considering that you asked if anyone planned on bringing food in the group email, and then everyone said yes."

"Fft. You and your reading comprehension," I said. "It won't save you at the table tonight."

* * *

"Alright, some quick background before we begin," I said. We were all gathered around the table, and of all of us, only Lisa felt the need to dress up for the event- either that or she was just wearing a corset over her shirt for no real reason. Akane, Vicky, and Amy, meanwhile, were all in casual, comfortable clothes, and Amy had brought with her a messenger bag containing a tablet loaded with PDFs along with quite a lot of stationary.

"This is a world full of ruins and relics of fallen empires, where  _ new  _ empires are nearly a dime a dozen, rising and falling near constantly. Those who plunder the ruins for relics are called Adventurers- a recognized, if not always respected, profession that's often embroiled in disputes with other guilds and professions for muscling in on their territory," I continued. "The three of you, for whatever reasons you may have had, are all newly-minted members of the Adventurer's Guild, and you're all meeting up in the Guild's cafeteria- which looks exactly like a tavern- to meet each other and the Guild representative who has your first job."

"So we all meet in a tavern," Amy said.

"It's  _ tradition," _ Akane said.

"Alright, well... I'm Rolen Amakiir and I'm a Grey Elf Wizard, but I don't look like one," Amy said. "I look like a pretty typical city-dwelling elf, dressed much like my human neighbors."

"My real name is Sally, but I go by Solaria because it sounds elfy to me and  _ only _ to me," Vicky said. "I'm a Human Cloistered Cleric of the abstract concept of Elfishness, with the twin domains of Elves and War, and I'm basically a weeaboo but for elves, and my most prized possession is my Authentic Elfish Longbow that is actually a cheap piece of crap that I bought from a less-than-reputable merchant. Yes, it is the elfish equivalent of a mall katana."

"Oh my god," Amy muttered, palming her face.

"I'm Gairan, and mechanically, I'm an Orc Druid," Akane said. "In-character, I'm a bachelor of natural sciences who washed out of the doctoral program, and took this job to pay the rent."

"I'm Dox and I'm a Changeling Bard who prefers to default to a Tiefling-like form so I can pretend I'm a Succubus," Lisa said.

"Unfortunately, this does not have the desired effect, and Dox is a virgin," I said.

"Don't encourage her," Amy said.

"Shit, how do I correct this," Lisa said. "Quick, Elfaboo! I'll turn into an elf if you'll finger me in the bathroom!"

"Oh no, my greatest weakness!" Vicky proclaimed.

"So  _ anyways, _ the Guild rep walks up to your table and sits down just before things can get too saucy," I said. "She's an old dwarfish woman with gray hair and eyebrows the size of dinner plates, and in her hand she's got a scroll. She looks around and asks, 'You youngins ready for your first Guild job?'"

"Absolutely, please continue," Amy said.

"You've got options," I said. "Three of 'em, really. One'll take you to the nearby town of Bellevue, and the other two'll take you to the nearby mining camp of Risk."

"Let's hear the Bellevue job first," Akane said.

"The nearby town of Bellevue has an old, historically significant castle in it, which has been slated for demolition by decree of the Queen's daughter," I said. "The contract is being offered up by the Bellevue Antiquarian Society to find some way to stop the demolition, which is scheduled to begin in one month's time. So, heroes... you up for it?"

"Wait a minute," Amy said.

"Hm?"

"Are you telling me," Amy said, "that our first adventure is to rescue a  _ tower _ from a  _ princess?" _

"That is exactly what I am telling you, yes."

She mulled this over, working her jaw as though she was literally chewing on it.

"I..." she began. "...am in."

"I love it," Akane said. "But, for completeness' sake- the other one?"

"Miners have been going missing at Risk for the last few weeks. Three days ago, they finally started finding bodies," I said. "Could be monsters. Could be a serial killer. Could've been just workplace drama that escalated. Might have to do some detective work." I cleared my throat. "So to clarify: the Bellevue Job is a legal drama, the first Risk Job is a murder mystery, and the  _ second _ Risk Job is just a straightforward dungeon crawl. I'm prepared to run any of 'em. Your choice, as a group, is which one sounds more fun to you."

"Question," Akane said, raising her hand. "Does this mean, unless we pick the dungeon crawl that's so conceptually boring you didn't bother explaining it, we aren't going to do any combats or dungeon-crawling or literally  _ anything at all _ pertaining to the actual game of Dungeons and Dragons?"

"That is correct," I said. "Two of the three options are D&D-inspired freeform roleplaying."

"If you didn't want to play D&D, you could've said so."

"I did. Then I got outvoted. Speaking of voting, we all know the drill for approval voting- vote for as many options as you like."

* * *

"The mine's owner strokes her beard, and says, 'We have three shifts, and there isn't that much time between them for someone on the afternoon shift to hide the body like that before the night shift gets there," I said.

"I have a question about the night shift and their responsibilities in the central mineshaft," Lisa said.

"I- oh my  _ god. _ Fine. Fine, you menace. Yes, those dwarves spend  _ all night _ working the shaft, getting down and dirty to wring out load after shiny, glistening load. Is that what you wanted me to say? Huh? That what you wanted to hear?" Lisa started cackling, and I rolled my eyes. "Fucking animal. I hate you."

* * *

"The killing was done by none other than... Old Man Witherspoon!" Akane declared.

"I thought the victims were killed with a knife," Lisa said innocently.

"Please shut up," Amy said, facepalming.

* * *

Vicky and Amy left first, after the game ended; they had less things they were avoiding, it seemed.

"So do you just not like mysteries?" I asked.

"My power kinda short-circuits them, whether I want it to or not," Lisa said, tapping the side of her head.

"That's the kind of detail I'd appreciate you sharing with me  _ before _ I write a murder mystery scenario," I said.

"What, and out myself to the heroes?" Lisa asked.

"Hi, I'm Lisa, and I don't like mysteries or puzzles in games," Akane said in a high falsetto mockery of Lisa's voice, which was actually a bit deeper than Akane's. "I'm not going to explain why I have these preferences, but nobody's going to press me too hard on that because we're decent people who respect boundaries, and the closest it could come to that is asking if I'd be fine with specific permutations thereof because it might be only certain aspects I find objectionable."

"Okay, ease off just a  _ little," _ I said. "But, also, just... email me privately and I'll take your preferences into account. Also please stop passive-aggressively spoiling content you don't enjoy. We're adults here, use your words."

"You were told that we all wanted to play D&D and yet two of the three scenarios you had planned were self-confessed freeform roleplaying and not actually D&D," Akane added.

"Who's side are you on, here?" I protested.

"Vicky and Amy's side, because they weren't disrupting play either, and Vicky got, like, no opportunities to use the fact that her character is an elfaboo."

I sighed. "Alright, alright. I'll write the next scenario to include combat, elves, and natural science," I said. "Lisa, you don't get anything pertinent to your character because her only defining trait is being a sex pest."

"I don't suppose I can get an elf girlfriend?" Lisa asked.

"You and I are not going to roleplay a relationship together. Come up with literally any other character trait, and email it to me; I'll see if I can work it into the scenario."

"Alright, fine," Lisa said, getting up and stretching. "Bleh. Well, thanks for dinner. I think I better get going now."

"See you around," I said. "I get the feeling you're going to drop by more than once a week."

"Probably, yeah." She left, and a quick flex of the Virtual Machine locked the door after her- it was  _ so _ very useful, I had to say.

"Bluuuuugh."

"Long day?" Akane said.

"Tired," I said, closing my eyes.

"Aren't you glad we're sleeping together?"

"D&D doesn't count as a date," I said, trying to ward off the innuendo. "But, all the same, yes, I am very glad you're so open and affectionate with me, and that you've never made me feel unwanted or unwelcome. I'm  _ very _ glad I've got you in my life."

"Awwww," Akane said. "That's gay."

"Exceedingly," I said gravely, before standing up. "Anyhow, I'm gonna go lie down. Feel free to wiggle your way underneath me when you're ready."

"Will do. Night, Rose."

"Night, Akane."


End file.
